My Sourdough Era

This is my first sourdough loaf. She isn't perfect, she doesn't have the fancy scoring, she isn't aesthetically photographed because this is real life and she wasn't made for the approval of others. I don't really do the New Year's Resolution thing because I believe each day is an opportunity to make a goal, try something new, etc. However, in processing with the Lord, I did decide that 2025 is the year that I am going to "do the thing" --- since 2020 when people started sharing their sourdough journey's when we were all isolated, I have liked the idea of making my own bread, but have been so intimidated. If you have researched or dabbled, you know that there are so many "rules" to be followed to make the "perfect" loaf. It turns out it is not as complicated as people make it seem. At the end of the day, it is just flour and water. I don't even have all of the fancy equipment, just the basics and have still turned out delicious bread. AND once I discovered you can keep your starter in the fridge and feed when you bake, that was a game changer because I get to decide when to sourdough, sourdough doesn't run my life.

My sourdough era has been healing in ways I didn't expect, perhaps I will get into more of that another day. Today, as I turn thirty-one tomorrow, I've been reflecting on how making the goal perfection, stopped me from starting a lot of things in my mid-late twenties. If I can't do it perfectly, then why try at all? Friends, this is a sad way to live. I have talked myself out of so many things because "I don't have all the tools, I have no idea where to start, other people are doing it better, what do I have to offer the world?" Social media, you kill me in this area in particular, with the rise of marketing and using social media for business and personal gain, everyone's content and "success" is out there for the world to see. It's really hard to shut out. Frankly, it has hindered me from fully investing in the gifts God has given me. I have been a slave to the idea that I have to be perfect in order to make an impact.

Naturally, you may be thinking, well why not leave social media? That is a solution for sure, I'm not negating that. However, some of my dreams involve writing for example, like this blog, I want to write encouraging, relatable content and share it. The easiest way to do that? Social media. So here we are. I can either continue to wallow in my lacking of skills or I can just do the thing and learn along the way, refining my skillsets and gaining new ones. I am no stranger to the whole "practice makes perfect" mindset, I am the girl who spent hours in my front yard "perfecting" my cartwheels after all (so I would fit in with the other girls). Being older and wiser, through experience, I know that perfection is not attainable. Progress and the process are far more valuable than the outcome. When the goal is set on a perfect outcome, I am so overwhelmed that I shut down and don't even try. I spiral into all of the reasons why I am not able to do the thing. When my focus is on perfect performance, I miss out on the process.

The process... well, it's messy, it's humbling and honestly sometimes painful. And yet, in the process, we learn, we grow, we heal in unexpected places. There is joy and beauty when we choose to lean into the process and give ourselves permission to fail. When I accept that it is fully okay that I will fail at things and that I won't be perfect at anything, then I give myself the opportunity to grow. More than that, when I invest in the gifts and dreams God has given me, He multiplies my investment for His purposes. It is really Him who does the work. I am not powerful enough to thwart His plans to reach every people. I am simply called to show up where He leads.

So today, on the eve of my birthday...I hold celebration, grief and longing. I celebrate God's faithfulness and the gift of seeing how He is slowly bringing me back to life in the way of dreaming and pursuing what He has for me again. I'm celebrating the sweetness and excitement of following His lead and the anticipation of the amazing things He is going to do along the way. While I celebrate, I also grieve. I grieve what I thought life would be. I hold dreams that have yet to come to fruition, I deeply long for them to and I hold onto hope in the One who has my days ahead planned. I cling to the hope and knowledge that He cares for me and He is working things out for my good. He will lead and guide me in the way I should go and I know with certainty that I can trust Him as I simply do the next thing.

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."

Romans 5:1-5