The Pursuit of Love

Love. We all want it, we all need it. We were created for it.

I very recently, joined a dating app. I also very recently deleted said dating app a week later. Another story for another time and another place, but nonetheless we're going to talk about the pursuit of love and that little tid-bit of info is relevant.

The idea of romantic love has been in our faces, as soon as January hit. All for one day. Valentine's day is one day in a whole year, yet we make it mean so much. Let that sink in. Take a moment to take a few deep breaths and feel the emotions Valentine's Day may bring up for you. Take as long as you need. I'll be here feeling alongside you. When we are ready, I'm going to challenge us to think about why that is. Why do we make one day out of three-hundred sixty five days mean so much?

Our feelings are going to be unique and indicative of our individual journey in life, having walked through similar and different things. However I do think there is a common thread: the innate desire to be seen, known and loved. As I looked through multitudes of profiles swiping yes and no, it was very evident. It was presented in multiple ways but they all screamed "look at me, ask me about me, love me" -- in one way or another. I'm not here to judge, I have screamed "look at me, ask me about me, love me" -- in so many ways throughout my twenties, simply observing the desire to be seen, known and loved played out in real life here.

***A note for the overthinker, yes I see you and I know what you're thinking--- I want to be clear dating online doesn't make you desperate and you are worthy to put yourself out there. It is an avenue to make yourself available and if you're in a healthy place, I think it can be stewarded really well. Personally, though I am in a much healthier place now than I have been before, I know with certainty it's not the space for me. My advice if you are wrestling--- take time get to know your heart, seek wisdom from those you trust, who know you and take their feedback seriously. Don't wrestle alone!***

I think Timothy Keller said it well, “To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”

I want to be careful for this post not to turn into "God's love is all you need, so pull up your bootstraps and move on." Um no thanks, been there done that and I don't want to go back to that place. Suppressing feelings is not the way my friends, you can only hold it together so long, so you might as well let it all out. It takes practice and safe spaces, but it's worth it.

I have found that the pursuit of love is far better when I invite God into the process, because His love is better than life, because He is Love Himself. He fully embodies what love is meant to be, because He is Love and He created love. That was a lot of words, but basically I have a choice. I can pursue the affection, the validation and love from men, leaving me feeling more fearful, lonely, empty and broken than before (spoiler-- done this more than I care to admit). Or I can let the author of love teach me what love really is, and live life fully. That does not mean I don't experience all of the emotions, but it does mean I bring them all before Him in prayer and I rely on Him, instead of imperfect people who love imperfectly, which results in a sweet freedom to live. There is confidence and no need to scream "look at me, ask me about me, love me," when I live from a place of already being seen, known and loved by God.

The truth is, God's love is perfect. There is no fear, because in His perfect love, He will not leave me. He knows every detail of my life and still calls me His. I forever belong to Him. My earthly relationships will change, they will be imperfect. We love imperfectly. His love in contrast, will not change. It is the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow. And when we love from a place of already being loved, we love better, because His love changes us. When we know we are seen, known and loved, it's a lot easier look beyond ourselves to see, know and love others.

So with all of that said my friends, if you skim my words and retain nothing, I do pray you would know in your inner being today how much you are really loved. No matter what life has for you right now, you are not any less loved because you are single, or because your significant other didn't put as much thought into a gift for you, or if you are widowed. You are not any less worthy if you didn't receive flowers or chocolates and you don't have to convince anyone to love you. You don't have to pull your bootstraps up, you are allowed to feel the way you feel. AND the glorious truth in all of that is: You are already so loved, right where you're at.

Grace and love to you until next time!